


No More Staples

by StoryWarrior



Category: Five Nights at Freddy's
Genre: Crack Fic, Inspired from my bestie, Swearing, Vincent's drunk, no ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 10:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13856232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoryWarrior/pseuds/StoryWarrior
Summary: On a night Fritz, Jeremy, Mike and Vincent had free, Vincent decided to drag the males to a bar and...got drunk himself...let's just say he's never gotten drunk around these three AGAIN...





	No More Staples

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings and Salutations! StoryWarrior here with...the first thing I'm posting so...kinda nervous haha. The end will have more notes and I hope you like this cos I laughed a lot while writing this (and I wrote it at the start of the YEAR). StoryWarrior better get back to writing!

~~~ No More Staples ~~~

Vincent was…IS…to say the least…insane. Not ‘murder’ insane, just…crazy. Why the other nightguards leave him alone half the time…not even they know. But sleep-deprived him is probably the calmest but…definitely the least understandable. And the worse his sleep-deprivation is, the weirder things he does and says. Especially the night he convinced Mike, Jeremy and Fritz to go to a club with him. By the end Vincent was…drunk is an understatement but it’s the best word for this situation, and also sleep-deprived as hell. So these three had the lovely jobs of carrying this dead-weight back to his apartment.

“T-Thankfully Phone guy t-took the night shift for t-today…” Jeremy sighed as he had the job of keeping Vincent’s head from snapping with his neck. Fritz took the feet and Mike took the arms. “Yeah, but I didn’t think Vincent would do this…” Fritz grumbled, as Jeremy opened the door to the crayon’s apartment. All three of them immediately screwed up their noses as a reaction. “Fucking Christ, what is that smell!?” Noone had an answer however for Mike’s…colourful question. Vincent just giggled and slumped against Mike some more. “Yooouuuuu know what’s would be coooolllll~?” He slurred, eyes glistened though the three ignored him.  
“Staples…!!~” He screeched, much to the three boys surprise.  
“I-I’m sure Vince…” Jeremy mumbled, as they tried to get a (now) resisting Vincent to his bedroom.  
“NO NO NOOOOOO think about iiiiitttt Jerebae!~” He began, smiling as he gestured with his hands, smacking Fritz, Mike and Jeremy in the face a few times. “If you really REAAALLLLY need to buy something, you go and buy STAPLES!” Vincent ended with a big explosion noise while flailing his arms around like a drug-addicted monkey.  
“The fuck?” Mike said as they began to lift him into the bed, with Vincent grasping at the bed posts screeching like a pterodactyl. “STAPLES MIKEY MOUSE STAPLES!!”  
“YOU GET STAPLES!!! YOU RUN AROUND YOUR HOUSE WHILE SCREAMING TO THE HOLY GODS OF TAPLES!!!”  
“Holy fudge brownies he’s lost it…” Fritz whispered, eyes wide as if he was trapped in a house with a madman.  
“You listen here mr Baymax…” Vincent hissed grabbing onto Fritz’s shoulders. “Do not wish ill will against the holy matrimony of staples…” He whispered, squishing Fritz’s cheeks. Fritz grumbled and pulled Vincent’s hands away.  
“But think of ALL the opportunities!!!~ You could be waking up with a stapler next to you!!~”

Mike rolled his eyes as the three finally finished getting Vincent into his bed and shut the door. “W-Well that was e-eventful…” Jeremy sighed. Fritz nodded and Mike looked at the shut door.  
“You know what we should do…?” He said turning to the others, a smile growing on his face.  
“Let’s prank the FUCK outta Vincent.”

~~~~~~~~~~TIMESKIP TO THE NEXT MORNING!~~~~~~~~~~

Vincent groaned. He loved to go to clubs but he HATED hangovers. He felt his arm on something and he seriously thought he was in bed with another girl (or man, depending on who hit on him), but then he turned and saw a stapler in the bed next to him. Blinking a few times to try and quit the hallucinations, but the stapler was still there. He got out of the bed groaning and looked down. There were a few staples on the ground, but BOY, was he NOT prepared for the main part of the room.  
“WHAT THE FU- ow.” He winced, seeing millions of staples on his floor, basically trapping him in his room. He stared and blinked for a few moments, annoyed with the fact he couldn’t get a coffee or something. Walking back to his room, he opened his phone and opened the group chat he, Phone Guy, Mike, Fritz and Jeremy had. It was Saturday so all of them had two days off, but he had to know if any of them had something to do with this.

 **Vincent:** R u people awake?  
**PG:** What do u want Vincent?  
**Jeremy** : I’m watching Sailor Moon. Why have u disrupted me?  
**Fritz:** And I was making breakfast.  
**Mike** : R u 2 fuckin serious it’s 5am? PG WHY R U AWAKE?!  
**PG:** I’m used to waking up early. Its not something you shake Mike.  
**Fritz:** Anyway way, what’s up V?  
**Vincent:** I think someone broke into my house…  
**PG:** WHAT!? Why!? R things missing!?  
**Vincent:** That’s the thing, someone broke in…  
**Vincent** : Just to trash my place with staples  
**PG:** WHAT!?  
~  
 _Vincent then sent a picture of his bedroom, the bed with the staple and his entire living room_  
~  
**Vincent:** I’m afraid of leaving my room, so I think my bathroom and kitchen are the exact same as my living room…  
**Fritz:** Oh yeah Jeremy, Mike and I saw someone enter your apartment last night actually after we helped you into bed!  
**Jeremy** : Fritz weren’t there a few people…? I don’t really remember sorry…  
**Mike:** Yeah there were three people. We were worried so we waiting and watched for a while.  
**Fritz:** When they left we saw what they looked like and Jere got a pic!  
**PG:** Well send it! I’m curious  
**Vincent:** YEAH! I wanna know who to beat the shit out of!  
~  
_Jeremy then sends a pic from last night. The picture is of Fritz, Mike and Jeremy. Jeremy is looking sorry, Fritz is laughing and holds two boxes of staples and Mike is flipping off the camera holding a stapler._  
~  
**Mike:** Those assholes were us!  
**Jeremy** : I’m sorry…I was listening to Mike and Fritz but I did think it was funny…sorry  
**Fritz:** To be fair, you were really drunk and going on and on about staples  
**Vincent** : I’m gonna beat the shit outta two of u, I’m gonna leave Jeremy cos he’s adorable, but U 2!!!  
**Mike** : Who wants me to send the video audio of Vincent’s rant to u?  
**PG:** ME!  
**Fritz:** It’s fucking hilarious! Jeremy, Mike and I have Vincent screaming “STAPLES!” as his ringtone!  
**Vincent:** WAIT! R u guys gonna help me clean this shit up!?  
**Mike:** Nope, because this was a lesson.  
**Vincent:** AND!?  
**Mike:** No  
**Jeremy:** More  
**Fritz:** Staples!

**Author's Note:**

> So...this fic idea was given to me AGES ago from a sleepover I had with my bestie! She was really (and I mean REALLY) sleep-deprived, and went on about staples. To this day I have not let her live it down XD. Hope you all enjoyed!


End file.
